StFX’s New Year’s Resolutions

Seven ideas to combat inaction

2018 was an eventful year for StFX. In August, the school hosted more than 1 000 athletes from across the country for the 2018 Special Olympics Summer Games. Construction continued on the Mulroney Centre, began on the Oland Centre, and students were forced to adjust their routes to class as construction also began on the new stairs and ceremonial flag plaza. 

Not too far into the 2018-19 school year, the university began to make national headlines for mishandling a case of sexual assault, and student protest became a force to be reckoned with as Xaverians came together to combat the school’s apathy and inaction. Protests calling for fair fees and accommodations for international students also garnered attention in late November. Coming into the new year, many students are hoping for big change. Perhaps, I believe, StFX should be too. To help them on their way, I’ve pulled together a list of 7 new year’s resolutions based on the big events and stories from 2018.

1. Listen to the revolutionaries

Cornell University professor Sidney Tarrow writes in his book Power In Movement that “people do not risk their skin or sacrifice their time to engage in contentious politics unless they have good reason to do so.” This year, StFX students and faculty took a stand against sexual violence at the university’s open house. 

More than 5 000 individuals signed a petition listing calls to action. A number of individuals wrote and shared open letters, ran forums, and staged protests. Students petitioned for fair fees and accommodations for international students, they stood with Coady workers, and proved that our generation is willing to get up and engage and fight for what’s right.

StFX prides itself on being an institution founded on principles of social justice. While that claim is dubious when applied to the institution itself, students, faculty, and community members have proven their commitment to justice by engaging in contentious politics on a number of occasions. This year alone, the StFX community proved themselves revolutionaries.

Taking to heart Tarrow’s words would serve StFX well. Revolution doesn’t happen without good reason, and so to better the institution, listening to the revolutionaries is key.

2. Prioritize action

Everyone’s heard the phrase “actions speak louder than words,” and yet, some people seem to have a hard time applying it. StFX is a big fan of the empty promise. In terms of the fight for action on issues of sexual violence, students were promised action on multiple occasions in 2018, and have yet to see any significant changes. The new Sexual Violence Prevention Committee has yet to be created, a clear apology has yet to be issued on behalf of the administration, and the action plan promised at the open forum in November has yet to be released. 

Creating trust in a system (one that we as students are supposed to trust with nearly every aspect of our lives) requires more than just telling people what they want to hear. Following through on promises and committing to real action needs to be at the top of StFX’s list of priorities for 2019.

3. Treat students like people, not money

Students pay a lot to be here. For a student in a general arts or science program, fees before living expenses come to about $9 000. For international students, that amount more than doubles. 

University is expensive, we all know and expect that, but unfortunately, many students don’t feel valued for anything other than the contents of their bank account. For example, charging students who can’t afford to fly home for the holidays a fee to stay on campus. International students were right to petition for fair fees in 2018, but they shouldn’t have had to. Treating students like people, rather than sources of cash, should be an easy resolution for StFX to make.

4. Be trauma informed

Sexual violence has been at the forefront of nearly every discussion had on campus since September. Not because every conversation is about issues of sexual violence, but because it is impossible, when those issues are so prevalent in the day to day life of more than half the student population, to put them out of mind. 

The university, in addressing issues of sexual violence, must recognize the impact of trauma.

Consisting unproportionately of upper-middle class white men, it is evident that the StFX administration is largely unfamiliar with the struggles of female, queer, Indigenous, and international students who all face increased risk of sexual violence on a day to day basis. This privilege, too, needs to be recognized as we continue to take action on issues of sexual violence. 

There are so many people at StFX who have more experience with issues of sexual violence than those who make up the administration. Lean on those people, who are already doing the good work, and combating violence - listen to them when they tell you what needs doing, and how to go about change.

5. Embrace and value diversity

In social justice work, the guiding principle of “letting the most qualified person speak” is referenced frequently. That means letting those most affected by issues speak to their own needs and situations. In academia, this principle also applies. Who better to teach a course on Indigenous issues than an Indigenous person? Or a course on race than a racialized person? Hiring diverse faculty benefits everyone - allowing students to learn from those with first hand experience in the worlds they’re studying, and creating an environment more accepting to all.

Additionally, celebrating the diverse student body at StFX should be given more time and energy. Pride month shouldn’t just be one month. The flag shouldn’t go up early January and come down four weeks later. Christmas shouldn’t be the only holiday celebrated with big events across campus. The StFX student population comes from across the globe, and the university experience should reflect and recognize this. So, hire diverse faculty! Fly the pride flag year round! And the Mi’kmaq flag! Recognize and celebrate holidays that aren’t Catholic!

Embracing diversity isn’t that hard, I promise.

6. Break more traditions, and start new ones

September 2018 marked a big change in StFX tradition: single gender residences Cameron and MacKinnon Hall were, for the first time, considered co-ed. While the decision was highly contested, it was also necessary in combating misogynistic rituals. Tradition can be extremely harmful, and breaking this one was a step in the right direction. StFX should continue to challenge campus traditions, asking themselves if a tradition is truly adding to the university experience they want to present, or if it might be causing more harm than good.

7. Rethink the reputation

On a similar note, StFX is well known across Canada, and even internationally, for its reputation. While many students jokingly refer to StFX as a cult, two of the main reputations that have befallen the school are 1) that StFX is the number one party school in Canada, and 2) that the StFX community is like family. Both these reputations, while wielded proudly by a number of students, staff, and alumni alike, are unfortunately quite harmful.

The party school reputation lends itself to the promotion of alcoholism - excused as part of the experience rather than the affliction that it is - and makes space for behaviour that is violent and inappropriate. If this reputation is one the school plans on sticking with, they should balance it out with more education - on safe substance use, mental health, addictions, consent, and violence.

Referring to the school community as a family, as Professor Johannah Black pointed out at November’s open forum, brings up the often troubled dynamics that real families face. 

Too often, families cover up or ignore sexual violence, disown family members in acts of discrimination, or integrate unhealthy power imbalances into the home; I would hope that this isn’t the picture of family StFX has in mind, but it would serve the school well to rethink the emphasis placed on the term.

This list (though quite long) only addresses a small portion of what StFX should be striving for in 2019. What has been well proven, however, is that new year’s resolutions tend not to stick. 

Maybe what StFX needs, then, is a revolution - but whether or not they’re ready to accept that is another story all together.

Far from Over

Hundreds of people respond to sexual violence on campus

Recently, Global News published an article about a sexual assault case at StFX. The survivor, an 18-year old first-year from Toronto, was assaulted by a man five years older. The perpetrator was suspended, but returned to school this fall – something the survivor was not made aware of. Re-traumatized, the student left StFX for good. Her experiences have sparked outrage among students, faculty, members of the Antigonish community, and even other universities across the country. With outrage comes collective action, which is exactly what has been going on over the past week and a half on our campus. Since the report, a lot has happened. Two email statements from Andrew Beckett, Vice President of Finance and Administration & Head of Student Services, were sent out. The first was a rather vague paragraph which essentially said that the school, “cannot comment about the specifics of this case.” In addition, several bullet points were included, detailing that StFX has a sexual violence policy, a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner (SANE), a Health and Counselling office, and a Student Life office. The second email references the Global News report. He acknowledges the communication errors that caused the student to leave, and makes a mention of the, “system in place that strives to uphold both the victim’s and the respondent’s right to due process.” He stresses that, “we recognize that there is always room for improvement and we welcome feedback regarding how to make our processes stronger.” He also makes a mention of the Antigonish Women’s Resource Centre, an institution that not many small university towns have. 

Following these two emails, student response was striking. In fact, the news of the article in question spread like wildfire on Facebook, and it can be wagered that most students were already aware of or had heard of the article, and the details of the survivor’s situation, before any StFX emails were sent. 

Last Wednesday night and Thursday afternoon, two collective action meetings were held at St. Ninian’s Place, organized by students and Women’s & Gender Studies professor Rachel Hurst. This week, I sat down to talk with Hurst about the progress StFX has made since she began teaching here in 2009. We talked about what still needs to be done, the collective action of students, social media accounts, and more. One of the greatest concerns of protesting students, who have been using the hash-tag #IStandWithHer to raise awareness, is the school’s lacklustre sexual violence policy. The policy itself is quite concerned with acknowledgement of resources and definitions, and not enough information about putting trust in survivors and being a trauma-sensitive institution. Obviously, the policy should be examined, and change based on the input of students. However, Hurst revealed to me that in 2009, a StFX sexual violence policy did not even exist, “There was no policy, and there wasn’t even information on who to report to in the university and what should happen if someone has been sexually assaulted. So that’s another thing that has really changed is that we do have a policy we do have information online that is a lot easier to find than previously.” It’s shocking, isn’t it? That only nine years ago, information about sexual assault and basic resources were unavailable through the school’s website. However, this in no way means that we should just sit back and be grateful that StFX has made strides on that front.

 So much work can be done, and perhaps adopting practices of other universities or colleges could be helpful. According to Hurst, “In the United States by law all publicly funded universities and colleges are required to notify the campus community when a sexual assault has happened...it notifies the student body that sexual assault is not tolerated and that they will act when sexual assault has been reported.” These bulletins are vital in making invisible work visible and could make huge contributions to sexual violence awareness on campus. A transparent sexual assault bulletin could change the face of this campus. When news of sexual assault only reaches the students through outside news media, it sends a bad message. This kind of last-minute notification makes StFX feel like a university that only cares about sexual assault when reports of it hurt its, “premier undergraduate experience” reputation. 

Two more important events have happened between Beckett’s first email and today. Firstly, a student-formed X RESIST Facebook page was formed. This closed group with more than 400 members has been the central hub for organization of protests, meetings, slogans, petitions and more. Secondly, the controversial @whispersatX twitter account (initially named @rapistsatX) was created and accused two students of sexual assault before it was condemned by Beckett himself. While this account did not have much time to make a dent in the overall campaign, StFX addressed this account in an extremely definite manner, calling its actions, “not acceptable.” While it is true that name-dropping students with no context is damaging to the overall movement on campus, the tone in which Beckett addressed this account is unsettling. Nowhere in his previous two emails were the words, “not acceptable” used. 

Referencing sexual assault is met with caution, but referencing accusations is met with immediate action. 

  The school is quick to strike down a small twitter account which named two male students, Hurst noted that, “in my gut feeling is that if the person [who created @whispersatX] is found out that they will be punished to the full extent that they can be punished.” If this does happen, could it send a negative message to other students who are trying to fight sexual violence on campus and come forward with their own stories? Either way, the creation of this account adds another level of complexity to this ongoing fight. Something that really sticks out with X RESIST, the open house protest and the overall response is the small amount of male action. Tons of women, many of whom who are survivors themselves, are speaking out against StFX and coming up with possible solutions. The lack of reaction from the male student body is disappointing to say the least. Hurst notes that, “In my opinion both male faculty as well as male students need to step up and organize themselves...I would absolutely encourage male students to get involved and I know that there certainly are some that have been active and vocal and I think that that’s fabulous, I see that as the responsibility of men [to organize themselves].” 

While it is unlikely that an X RESIST-type group will be created by male students and faculty, it would certainly add even more to the discussions among campus. 

This story is far from over. The Student Union  planned an open forum on sexual violence held on Saturday, October 20. It is an avenue for community opinions and ideas to be heard. X RESIST will not be silenced anytime soon.

Dear StFX: Sexualized Violence Happens #HereToo

***CONTENT WARNING: The following stories contain information about sexual assault and/or violence which may be triggering to survivors. Following this collection, a list of resources has been published. Please do not hesitate to contact any of these resources if you find yourself struggling.***

The following stories were collected to demonstrate the extent to which sexualized violence is an issue #HereToo. One in four women will experience sexualized violence in their lifetime - but it isn’t just a statistic. It isn’t just something we read about in the news, or hear about on TV - it is a real, far too prevalent issue on this campus and many others. Thank you to everyone who was able to find the courage to share these stories with us.

#IAmHer

As someone who has been sexually assaulted– I believe that institutions, students, faculty, and community members should work towards creating a more informed policy so that victims of sexual violence can feel more secure about coming forward.

A student who was taken advantage of last year who did, in fact, come forward was let down by her OWN university. StFX did not inform her that her rapist’s suspension was lifted and that he was to be returning back to campus for the new school year. She felt unsafe, as would anyone. She left this province–– she left this campus–– she returned back home. The university took away her voice. The school failed to protect her because he, a student who decided to take advantage of another, has the RIGHT to his education.

The school failed to protect ALL students because we still do NOT have a name, ID picture or a clue who this sexual predator is.

StFX… did you not think that having that student back on campus wouldn’t trigger the girl who went through something no one deserves? Do you think the rapist is more entitled to his education here at StFX than the victim? Do you think he won’t do it again just because he’s “learned from his mistake?” I can honestly tell you that this is and will never get easier for the victims. I used to be proud of this university but your actions towards this makes me nothing but disappointed and full of anger.

It only takes one individual to force themselves onto another. It only takes one pill and a blink of an eye to drug someone. It only takes one individual to rape more than one student. Many students have come forward but due to putting the blame on the victim, hearing out the sexual predator and favouring in their favour or the lack of evidence they were turned away.

THIS. IS. WHY. WE. DON’T. COME. FORWARD. #IBelieveYou #IStandWithYou #IAmHer

• Anonymous

A common story that I hear around campus is women speaking about being sexually assaulted on campus and not reporting it. Why? When someone is a victim of crime, wouldn’t the logical progression be to seek justice? I can’t speak for everyone, but I am a survivor. Last year, during my very first week on campus I was raped in my own room in residence. I don’t really have any desire to relive this experience, even in print. I decided to not report my assault for a few reasons. The first being that I had no idea how it would be done. Throughout orientation week I was never clearly told how to report or what the difference was between reporting and disclosing. There was a lack of clear education and information. It seemed to be hidden by discourse about the policy and the progress that the university was making. On top of that, I was terrified about how a report and investigation would influence my education. I was so excited to finally be at university and I knew the sacrifice my parents have had to make to send me to StFX. I did not want to go through a process that I had already heard, one week into my time here, was not supportive of survivors and seriously detrimental to survivors’ right to education. I can only say that I felt sheer terror at the thought of the university administration and going through the reporting process. This university’s administration has done nothing to date to demonstrate to me that they would protect and support me. There is no evidence that there is any compassion for the trauma survivors that go through at the upper levels of this administration as evident by their actions over the last weeks and their response to criticism in emails that were tone deaf and disappointing. This administration has to demonstrate that it is dedicated to providing safe spaces for survivors. Improvement of the sexual violence policy is necessary, but also improvement in the education of the administration about how to support them during and after their interaction with the university justice system and show this community their dedication to real action. The administration has a responsibility to keep members of this community safe. They continue to fail. For all the people on this campus who are survivors and all those who could become survivors because of this administration's inaction: wake up and face this issue with real preventative action. I am ashamed of this university. I want to be able to be proud of my X-Ring, not embarrassed for wearing a symbol associated with a school that doesn’t support survivors.

• Anonymous

In my first year at StFX, I was invited back to a guy’s house to hang out. We spent time talking and decided to smoke together. During this time, I was laced and immediately began to lose control of my body. He quickly found a way to isolate me from the others in the house. I had never been so scared before. I couldn’t form sentences, I couldn’t feel my body, and I started to feel confused about where I was and who I was with. He began to move closer to me and touch my body. I was so shocked that I couldn’t move and wasn’t even able to form the word ‘no’ in my mind. Due to the events that took place that night, I have developed anxiety in social situations and around other males. I am constantly worried about going out, running into him, being laced again, or coming anywhere close to an experience like this one. I have never shared this story and the only reason I will now is because I have never felt comfortable to come forward due to the lack of support at StFX. StFX does NOT value my safety over the safety of their reputation and image. The lack of efforts to end sexualized violence on campus are sickening. After the media attention StFX has received this month, I know that I am not safe on this campus. I know that I will never be safe on this campus. More horrifically, I know that I can’t trust StFX to protect me and my body.

• Anonymous

I'm a Part-Time Instructor at StFX. Some time ago, at a reception, a faculty member asked me about my racial background. Not really knowing what to do, I answered candidly. The faculty member then said that those of my race and skin tone were “the better looking ones.” They then offered some of the reception food to me, by dangling it over my head and beckoning me to eat. I felt completely humiliated and powerless. The room was also filled with other faculty members and students. It's not possible for me to report anything like this (or anything worse), because I would lose anonymity through the process, and this could endanger my job. In my case, it would be as simple as not being offered another contract.

• Anonymous

My first year on campus, I became involved with a guy who was in four of my classes. We were in no way shape or form exclusive, and my interest in him was more or less platonic. One night when we were hanging out, he brought me to his room and started trying to kiss me. At first I tried to pull away, but he was unrelenting, so I gave in, although I didn’t want to. As I had previously been sexually assaulted numerous times, I felt that I was powerless to stop things. He tried to take my pants off, and when I said no he shoved his hand down them anyways. He then vigorously attempted to finger me. The action was causing me pain, as I was not aroused and did not want this to occur. I told him to stop, and that he was hurting me, but he would not listen. Although things didn’t end up going any farther on that evening, I walked back to my residence after the fact with tears streaming down my face and blood trickling down my thighs. Having previously been in a sexually abusive relationship, I did not know at the time that this was wrong, and thought that I was in the wrong for feeling the way that I did about the situation. I thought that this was the way that sex happened, and I had always felt that it was my fault that I was feeling that way and wondered what was wrong with me. Sexual assault is rampant on the StFX campus, and sometimes when these things occur we may not believe that anyone else feels that way and believe that we are alone. To anyone on this campus who has experienced sexualized violence, I believe you. I am here for you. And I support you.

• Anonymous

“Do you want to go upstairs?” He asked while we danced in the basement of MacPherson. I went to MacPherson consistently, most of my friends were from there. And in my drunken state, I said yes.

We go upstairs where I met his roommate. We spoke for a little while and then he left the room. Now it was just me and him. “Drink this.” He gave me a drink, I don't remember what it was. “Do you want to smoke?” He let me have some of his vape. I don't know what was in it. I remember coughing.

We spoke for a little while. Then he started kissing me. We kissed and it was fun. Then he started taking my clothes off as he pushed me down. I asked if we could slow down because I didn't know him. “We're not strangers. We spoke for a little while.” He said as he kept undressing me. I was falling in and out of consciousness. I don't remember exactly when he entered me. But I remember the laughter of my friend and the look on his face when I looked towards the door and saw him. “Close the door!” He shouted and my friend left. I remember their laughter even after the door closed.

In and out of consciousness. I remember my legs above his head, limp. The pain of him ripping inside of me.

I don't know when he finished, but I remember laying on my side, exhausted, naked, tired. “Do you want me to walk you back to your residence?” I said yes.

So I got dressed and walked out with him. Halfway back to residence, I saw a friend. I ran to him and hugged him, began to cry, “I want to go home.”

The next day my friend laughed at me and informed me of what he saw in the room. “You were so drunk,” he laughed. I nodded and tried not to let it bother me. It took me months to realize he should've stopped what happened. I don't know who I'm angry at or if I'm angry at all. I'm not friends with him anymore. He doesn't understand why. Sometimes he's offended I don't talk to him anymore. Maybe he doesn't even realize what happened that night. I didn't for a long time.

But I don't hang out in MacPherson anymore.

• Anonymous

Why I didn’t report: because he was my boyfriend. Because I felt like I owed it to him. Because I was “his property.” Because I thought that that was normal. Because I didn’t know any better.

• Anonymous

It was my first year. I had been casually hooking up with a friend from my residence building. One night after drinking heavily I went up to his room to see him. His roommate answered the door and told me my friend wasn’t there. I found out later that he had been lying, my friend was sleeping just behind the door. I stumbled back to my room and got into bed. Shortly after, the roommate came down into my room and got into bed with me. My roommate was away for the night and I had forgotten to lock my door. He started kissing me forcefully, while I attempted to turn away and push him off. Once he pulled out his penis I vocalized my objections. I told him “no I don’t want this,” but he persisted in having me touch him. Finally, once my objections grew to be too much, he left for the bathroom. I quickly locked my door behind him. I felt scared that night and many nights after that. I didn’t tell any administration or my RA since I thought they wouldn’t be able to do anything for me. I continued to see him (and still do) regularly in residence, meal hall, and throughout campus. Each time my heart would pound, my stomach would tighten, and I would flinch if he approached me. It has exacerbated my depression and made me afraid in my own home, this is why #IStandWithHer.

• Anonymous

I was overwhelmed with excitement to attend StFX. Throughout my academic career, I was constantly recognized for my performance and grade point average. I grew up being the smartest in my class, I just always knew that I’d thrive in University as it was supposed to be the best days of my life. However, that was not the case. During my first week at StFX, a Resident Assistant (someone who was supposed to be there to help frosh like myself and be someone I could go to for any questions or help) sexually assaulted me. I plead out repeatedly to stop but he wouldn’t. The second I finally got away, I was in shock and had this need that I had to tell someone immediately. I ended up finding StFX officials to report it to and they then informed the campus. However, nothing was done. They did not reach out to me after that night. He remained in a position of power and did not receive any repercussions. I was devastated and it made me feel like I wasn’t important at all. He didn’t care what he did to my body, and the school sure didn’t care either. I ended up blaming myself. I couldn’t help but think if I were more attractive, maybe he wouldn’t have done that to me. Or maybe if I were more intelligent, or kind or anything more than what I currently was. He made me feel like I was nothing, the university enforced this feeling by not doing anything about it. I felt worthless, I felt gross, I felt like I should die. Every time I would see him around campus, I’d end up in pure panic and would stop whatever I was doing to run to my dorm and lock myself away. There were so many nights that I’d spend crying in the shower attempting to wash off the filth he made me feel like I was. Needless to say, my grades slipped as I not only lived in constant fear but lived in a place that wasn’t safe as nobody cared about my safety. I attempted to go back to school the following year with ambition to succeed as it’s who I am, but it was completely impossible. The moment I would see my abuser walking around in a place that protected him so well, I’d instantly want to curl up in a ball and just cry. I ended up dropping out of StFX as they made me feel like I was worthless with their lack of concern and failure to help.

• Anonymous

I am nineteen years old and am currently attending University of New Brunswick in hopes to receive a degree in Mathematics. I am an independent woman, who has struggled immensely with Mental Health but never strength. I have overcome many obstacles that my life has thrown at me. I have been knocked down numerous times just to stand back up and be pushed back down again. But I always found the strength to move on. However, a little less than a year ago I was raped by a student currently attending StFX. Having this happen opened my eyes to our society, our justice system and the university atmosphere which is supposed to be a safe place for students. This man was never charged, even after the horrendous nightmare of my rape kit and having a witness and presenting my story to two separate police officers, and then was and released back to campus. Although I do not attend this school, it haunts me every single day. Seeing the story of a young girl who was also raped by someone attending that school, not only threw me into an anxiety attack, I felt out of control of the things that people can do to my body. I have suffered from extreme nightmares, depression and panic attacks because of my rapist. I can’t wear certain clothes, go to certain places or even find the motivation to make myself presentable half the time. I am sharing my story to not only raise awareness of sexual violence, I am writing it in hopes he will see this. So this is for you: today I speak to you on behalf of myself and how you have affected my life in hopes to help another person moving forward. First and foremost, I would like to start off by saying you took something from me. I’m putting the assault aside and speaking psychologically here. Physically, days after the assault happened I was ok. I was sore, shaken up, but physically I was ok and I knew I could heal... physically. Mentally, I never think I will wake up from that nightmare. I had already been suffering from mental illness as mentioned before, but being raped, having intercourse with someone you don’t want to, emotionally destroyed my confidence, my grades, my sleep and my relations with any guys for the future or even relationships with friends. How am I supposed to get close to the opposite sex again, without bringing up what happened to me? I can’t be touched certain ways, I can’t be looked at certain ways, I can’t read certain things, watch specific movies, or even sometimes take a good look at reality. I want you to know, that I am one of the strongest people I know and I’m proud to say that, but you made me feel weak. Not only did you give me a memory that will haunt me for life, you gave that same memory to my parents, my sister and my closest friends. I act weird sometimes, I do things I don’t normally do and people question me. How do I properly tell them why I am the way I am? If there’s anything you take from this, if you even listened or cared, I want you to know: no matter what happens today, tomorrow, or in the future, you will always be guilty in my eyes. No apology, no handwritten letter, nothing can take back what you did to me, what you took from me psychologically. I pray for any girl who walks in your path again, I wish I could protect them, but now I question if I can even protect myself.

The stigma of girls acting in a way that would make guys want to have sex with them, what they wear, how they talk, what they’re doing with their life, that stops here. Because I am here to tell you I will move on with my life, I will finish my university degree in mathematics, I will someday marry a man who treats me with nothing but respect and in the far future raise my kids to do the same. I am disgusted with you, and I will never under any circumstances forgive you. I will always blame you and always remember you until the day I die. Please, never do this to someone again, I beg you. Rape psychologically hurts a human and is EQUALLY as painful as a physical wound.

• Anonymous

It has been a long road, the reporting process of sexual assault through the school. At the beginning the misconduct office will give you options and tell you the school has a system in place to believe the survivor. It’s so comforting to hear this from the school, to know that they’re going to try their best to have your back. Maybe you’re not quite comfortable going through with the full reporting process yet. So you start with just writing a statement to put into words what happened to you, and that’s enough for now. The school tells you if he has a second offence you’ll be notified and you can reconsider sending in your statement then. Maybe in a little bit you start to feel that itch in the back of your brain, something you can’t ignore. So you ask the school, what next? They go into detail about a hearing through the school, writing a victim impact statement. Let’s say you agree to this hearing and submit your statement. It takes a couple weeks and you’re so nervous but you try to remind yourself that the school has your back. Maybe he’s deemed responsible for what he did and pays a consequence doled out by the school. Then he applied for an appeal, oh god what’re you going to do now? They say it’ll be a couple days to review but it’s been a little over a week. A week later they overturn his appeal and you’re relieved, the school had your back. Then you start to question. If someone is found responsible for sexual assault through the schools own process, how do they justify only suspending him for a year?

• Anonymous

#IStandWithHer

When I was a student at StFX in 1996 an incarcerated young man, who was in jail for sexual assault, was actively recruited to come play for StFX hockey. He came, on full “leadership” scholarship and proceeded to sexually and physically assault a young woman who he met and dated at StFX. Charges were filed and yet StFX stood by him. Young female professors who tried to stand up and call attention had their future careers at StFX threatened. As students, some of us tried to voice our concerns and we were dismissed and ignored. I’m so sorry that we couldn’t have done more to make the campus safer and to encourage the university to take some responsibility. I’m so proud of everyone who is contributing their voices and I am in awe of the incredible bravery of those who are standing up and saying “no more.” Sending all of my love and strength to Antigonish and to those on campus who are continuing to fight.

• Anonymous

I am sorry for the times

All my male privilege crimes

All the nights I crossed the line

Pretended what is yours was mine

Had a cloud inside my mind

In the line it must be fine

We are that close by design

But every thought I had was grime

I can’t believe that if we danced I thought I should deserve a kiss

I can’t believe the type of filth we would discuss while we would piss

I can’t believe the subtle warning signs that I would always miss

Too caught up in your tits to shake the fog and get a fucking grip

And while I never did commit

The heinous act after a date

Just because I didn’t take the cake

Still in my hand a plate

Still in my head I thought my fate

Would end inside somebody else

If all I did was stay up late

And bought you shots off of a shelf

Just because I never pulled you close I’d still participate

In a culture fuelled by evil in a culture numb to rape

In a culture filled with hate

Girls night out gets lined with tape

Crime scenes encased in blame

Where we throw shame at those encased

Maybe let’s starts to educate

Those that might conceive these plots

Instead of dancing in our circles

Instead of putting victims off

Instead of hiding in a box

Scared of idealistic thoughts

Scared of making some men cross

Because they might be at a loss

When they have to treat a woman like human fucking being

Maybe then from every bar and scummy hole we’d see them fleeing

And the repressed and scared and frightened wouldn’t have to stick to dreaming

Of the nights where they let go of all the tightness they were feeling

Recognize the pain inside, facilitate, embrace the healing

Stop the screaming

• Graham Perrier

To whom it may concern, or bother to listen,

As an adult female student, I always thought it was silly how my mom would always worry about me taking night classes or studying on campus too late at night. The idea of me walking home when it is too dark wasn’t something I had thought that much into. To make my mom happy I would drive to campus when I knew I was going to be studying late so I wouldn’t be walking home alone in the dark. It never dawned on me this was solely because I am a woman, their fears were not from a place of personal safety but protection from others.

I never saw the problem. When any individual that attends StFX is asked by a friend or family member how school is the most common answer you hear is “StFX is like family, it’s a place I can call home.” That is how I had always felt. StFX was the only school I applied to because of its traditional values and because I had never heard anything bad about it. I was excited to be a part of the StFX family and would proudly wear my X-Ring. I’m not sure if I feel the same way anymore, and that is because I am a woman.

StFX was always somewhere I thought I was safe, somewhere where faculty and students looked out for each other. Obviously, I was sadly mistaken, the importance of female safety is not always in the agenda of those who are able to make change and choice on this campus.

Tonight, I walked home alone in the dark through campus and found my heart beating faster than normal. I found myself not listening to music and constantly checking over my shoulder and walking so fast I was out of breath by the time I got to my apartment. For the first time at StFX I felt unsafe because I am a woman.

This school has started to become too focused on their reputation of being a party school and changing their image that they have forgotten why this school is here. And in case you’re one of the people who have forgotten, this school is supposed to be a safe place for students to identify themselves, grow up, learn, socialize and have the best years of their lives while growing within their fields of study. When did this school lose their priority of keeping students safe regardless of gender?

What will it take for StFX to take their female students seriously? Is this man’s education more important than mine? Is this because of my gender? A man accused of such terrible things is allowed on my campus that now feels unsafe, and yet he is only one example. Why was the campus community only notified when it was featured on the news? Who are you truly trying to protect? As a woman on campus, why was I not warned that there was an accused rapist on my campus, and is he truly the only one?

Let me just say that I am not naïve enough to think that this doesn’t happen at academic institutions around the world because unfortunately it does. Women are taught to protect their bodies because of the actions of men who are unable to control themselves. I just keep on thinking “what if that girl was me?” How could this university that I love, and call my home, be so interested in money or reputation, and not about its students? I can now only protect myself because what if this was me, what would happen to me? The university would do nothing to protect me at all, solely because I am a woman.

In reflecting on my time at this university I find it easy to say that in the future I would not advise my own daughter that the best choice for undergraduate studies is StFX. I do not think this problem is going to get better. It is apparent, even within the past couple of years, when I don’t know if they will fight for her to feel safe because she is a woman.

• Anonymous

Available Resources

Antigonish Women’s Resource Centre and Sexual Assault Services Association

• A feminist, community based women’s organization providing services to women and adolescent girls that include crisis and ongoing problem-solving support, information, advocacy, accompaniment and referral.

  • Phone number: 902-863-6221

  • Address: 204 Kirk Place, 219 Main Street, Antigonish

  • Hours of operation: Monday to Friday  9:00 to 4:30

StFX Health and Counselling

• Phone number: 902-867-2263

• Address: 3rd floor, Bloomfield Centre 305

• Hours of operation: Monday and Thursday, 8:30AM - 8:00PM Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, 8:30AM - 4:30PM.

StFX Student Life Office

• To report sexual assault or sexual violence perpetrated by a StFX student or faculty member, contact Student Life reception to set up a meeting with Matt Gerard, student conduct officer, to leave a statement. (*note that disclosures to other staff or faculty are not considered formal reports)

• Emergency shelter is available through Student Life for students who don’t feel safe returning to their residence room/building or house.

  • Phone: 902-867-3934

  • Address: 306A Bloomfield Centre

Antigonish Men’s Health Centre

• Offers health care services for males 12 years and older.

  • Phone number: 902-863-2358

  • Address: 275 Main Street, Suite 103, Antigonish

  • Hours of operation: Tuesdays 8:30 to 6:00 or by call/appointment.

Victim Services Emotional Support – 1-902-490-5300

• Emotional support for victims of sexual violence with no police involvement necessary in order to get support.

  • Hours of operation: Monday to Friday, 8am to 4pm

The Sexual Assault and Harassment Phone Line - 1-902-425-1066

• Offers non-judgemental, active listening and support to anyone who has experienced or has been affected by sexualized violence.

  • Hours of operation: 12pm - 12am, 7 days a week.

The Reality of Being Gay at StFX

Sexual harassment is sexual violence

Picture this... It’s fifty years ago on a small country farm,

Homophobia is ramped…it’s a thing of the time…JUST KIDDING…welcome to StFX’s homophobic culture that targets you even when you want to have a good time. 

This is an encounter from one night going out at StFX. 

Sadly, our society has developed ridiculous norms that make people using the men’s washroom feel they have to choose a specific urinal in order to avoid the assumption that they are gay. Yes, GAY, try speaking it out loud, it is something you should get used to saying. I am gay and even I feel the need to follow these absurd heterosexual norms. Tonight, I went to The Pub hoping to have a great time with my friends. I wandered off to the bathroom and knew I should choose the urinal furthest away from the other guy who was in there at the same time. I hope you’re reading this whoever you were. I hope you know what you’ve done. He turned to me and said, “I know you’re gay and want to suck my cock.” First of all, no I do not want to do this in the bathroom with someone I do not know. Secondly, I recognize you are straight, and I do not want to be with you. Please mind your own business and let me use the washroom. The fact that you need to mention this shows your insecurities are greater than mine.

Wow! I am gay and was already targeted once this evening, it surely should not happen again. Unfortunately, this was not the case. I was walking home from the pub with two of my best friends. They were both female and one was visibly upset due to unfortunate circumstances she found herself involved with earlier in the night. I had my arm around her to provide comfort. We passed a group of immature students who sarcastically muttered homophobic slurs. 

One of my friends decided to call them out for this act of cruelty. They began to laugh hysterically as if being homophobic was a joke. 

Photo: mystfx.ca/visible-at-x

Let me tell you, it is not a joke! You are attacking someone for who they are. You are making fun of and belittling someone’s identity.

I love StFX and feel I belong here. Many faculty, staff, and students do a lot of hard work to ensure students like myself are treated as equals; it does not go unnoticed. Before this night, I had never been a direct victim of homophobic gestures. I almost tricked myself into believing this was something that did not exist on our campus. What I experienced taught me that there is still a lot of work that needs to be done before people recognize that love is love. 

If you have taken the time to read this article and are homophobic, please know that your actions hurt others and are never forgotten. If you have taken the time to read this article and are one of the people who thought it was funny to insult me, I want you to know that your words hurt, they left me feeling sad and angry.

I hope you will think twice before you consider saying something homophobic again in the future.