The Waiver: an Article on Complicity
/Dear X,
I knew this day would come. My story, my unique StFX experience, that made national headlines would one day feel meaningful to tell. Though my name was hidden I was the student Dr. Robert Strang was talking about, the student CBC was talking about, and the student my campus was talking about. I was the kid that beat meningitis twice. My Xaverian journey begins in 2014.
Like many of my peers I moved to Antigonish as a first-year student from Ontario. I had never lived away from home before. I was now to fend for myself in this new grown-up world. I adjusted and found a new home in Antigonish. I moved into residence, befriended my roommate, expanded social circles, participated in my classes as well as frequented the intramural sport arena. I was becoming someone, something I was unable to do back in Ontario. I was at peace. The safety and security I felt in my new home was beyond description. Then one night my peace was shattered. I found myself unable to hold down any food, water, or cold medication. I could not sleep, for the pain exploding through my spine was horrific. I felt like I was made of glass. My head was spinning, my eyes so sore I could not see very well and yet that afternoon I was happily sitting in meal hall. The symptoms appeared so quickly that by the time my roommate awoke on November 10, 2014, I was already dying. Once admitted to the regional hospital I began to deteriorate. Spinal fluid, blood samples, and stool samples all returned congruent with a horrifying discovery. I had contracted Bacterial Meningitis Strain-y. Immediately I was rushed to the ICU and the garments of people around me began to change. I was suddenly too sick to touch and or even share the unfettered air. I remember wondering If I would die alone before I was 20 years old. Would anyone even know I was dead? Then I blacked out. I awoke and my mother was beside me in a hazmat suit holding my swollen speckled hands. IV’s dotted my arms pumping me full of heavy medication. I was alive, somehow. I spent the next weeks attached to heart monitors, slow drips, and oxygen masks. I felt like I was rotting. I felt like my life was over. The comfy new home I had grown accustomed to had been ripped away and replaced by something cold and metallic. My new university friends came to see me, my new friends have supported me, my new friends have constantly been their for me, my new friends are everything to me. My new friends turned into my best friends but my best friends could not wait on their Xaverian journey for me. I lost my first semester but I survived the unthinkable.
I made the decision to return to my studies in second semester. I felt well enough and though my parents were skeptical I was determined to return to StFX. I agreed to a reduced course load and a different way of life. I was the student that beat the deadly disease that swept through the province. The first time I ever really heard tell of an outbreak was when it was used to describe my illness. I was ostracized despite my friends best efforts to keep my self esteem in check. Any and all conversations resulted in my struggle with the disease. Jokes were made at my expense by strangers who had no understanding of what kind of illness I just defeated. Upon my return to StFX one would think I was present the entire fall. I was not approached by any StFX resource to aid in my transition back to classes. I was not offered any refunds for the class I missed, the meals I did not eat, nor the nights I did not sleep in residence. I was forced to negotiate the exemption of my winter examinations. I felt alone and isolated by the university that made me feel so welcome. The one thing that infuriated me was that the university did not look into the outbreak on my behalf nor did they complete any precautionary measures to ensure something like this wouldn’t happen again. I was expected to just pick up where I left off thinking I was at least protected by my institution.
On January 28, 2015, I contracted a different strain of Bacterial Meningitis from the one I had less than two months ago. I almost died at the same University, in the same residence, from the same deadly disease. This time I was the boy who cried wolf. Not a soul on campus believed my cries as I lay crippled in my residence. The residence staff were hesitant to call the ambulance so they didn’t. By the time those around me realized my situation was deteriorating again there was no time to wait. I was put in the back of a taxi cab and rushed to the hospital again. My grip on reality was slipping. My body was failing me again. I found myself in a very familiar position second semester of my first year. I was alone in a hospital wondering if I was going to die, I watched the scrubs of the medical professionals around me change from colourful shirts to hazmat suits, I watched watching IV’s and needles force their way into my veins and spinal fluid once more. My grip on life slipping away from my swollen hands speckled again, pockmarked by liver failure. I awoke to my family beside me. I awoke to my name being in the mouths of my peers as they circulated campus. I awoke but this time I had lost my will to fight anymore. I medically withdrew from StFX. I was lucky to be alive.
Upon my medical withdrawal I was offered barely 1/4 of my tuition, even though I missed 3/4 of the school year. I was not informed of any tests done by the university to understand the causes of the outbreak despite StFX’s name spattered across CBC. There was no attempt at acknowledging any accountability. I was just a number but I didn’t find that out until the end of my second year.
My second year was a mistake. Since surviving meningitis I had contracted three new ailments. I was diagnosed with Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and debilitating anxiety. I was not ready for anything close to the cognitive levels required to participate in scholastics. I descended into a chaotic spiral. Nearly one year to the day of my contraction of Meningitis I mentioned my desire to take my own life. I couldn’t cope, I couldn’t keep up with school, I thought I would never be able to operate like I once did. I was visited by my residence Hall director but nothing was done to help me. I made up my mind and ran from the building towards the highway that ran behind our residence. One of my closest friends followed me to the bathroom and watched me try and run to the highway. He stopped me, hugged me, and told me it was going to be okay. My friends took it upon themselves to sleep on my floor and they are the reason I am here today. If you are reading this, thank you. I decided to move off campus to a safe environment where I was surrounded by close family friends. Despite my feeling of safety I could not cope. I failed most of my classes and failed out. StFX was going to let it happen, no questions asked. I got my doctors to weigh in and fight for me to avoid the hefty academic expulsion. I was reinstated.
I am 25 now. I started my Xaverian journey at the age of 19. I am set to graduate this year. I am finally able to call an X-ring mine. I can finally say its over. I have yielded to the whims of time. I am no stranger to highly contagious diseases. I am no stranger to the sharp needles of the regional hospital. I am no stranger to being locked up in an ICU containment room. I am no stranger to Dr. Robert Strang. I am no stranger to StFX. So please hear what I say. Making students sign a waiver is insulting. It is insulting to the wonderful staff at X who make up this university. You have metaphorically cut away the life boats and forced them to go down with the proverbial ship. I cannot emphasize this enough; having to deal with medical complications alone in first year University derailed my life for nearly five years. The completion of my studies is a testament to the support systems that have surrounded me. I cannot believe StFX is acknowledging the dangers of a return to campus. Your waiver may absolve you from legal trouble but this is direct act of dangerous complicity. Complicit just like back on November 10, 2018, when you sent out an email in regard to another Meningitis outbreak on campus. In the very same residence I nearly died in twice. How dare you demand anyone to sign a waiver and usher a student into a potentially harmful environment? Your lack of awareness to the dangers of highly contagious diseases has nearly resulted in the deaths of two of your students.
If I should be able to receive my X-ring in person or it is delivered through the mail I will be hesitant to put it on. The message you are conveying is that student well being can be summed up in a legal document. The message you are conveying is the deficit that the university has incurred is more important than one students life. The message you are conveying is that I am just a number. When I receive my X-ring and Diploma this year I hope that I will be able to look back fondly on the instances where the Xaverian values have made me a better person. I just hope that you will reconsider opening campus if this waiver is your ticket to a fall semester. I worry about the first years who might wind up in an ICU. I worry you won’t have their backs like you didn’t have mine. I worry that this is just a numbers game. I worry I fell in love with a University that practices a different sermon than the one being preached. Hail and… saying Health in this situation would be a bit redundant no? Get better X.
With warmest regards,
The Former Patient Zero
